Conflict is unavoidable and a totally natural part of workplace relationships, but managing conflict does not have to involve raised voices and hurt feelings. These 5 strategies from Nicklas Ehrlich will set you up to better manage your next conflict in the workplace. From the foundation of counselling, we can and will become adept at managing conflict at work, or even in our personal relationships.
PodCast Interview with Nicklas Ehrlich, MSW, RSW, RCC (Vital Synergy Mind Fitness Inc.) The interview addresses what causes various areas of life to be out of balance, how to identify these areas and how they can affect each areas of our life, and what we can do to help change the course of any imbalance back to balance and greater resiliency and contentment. Listen to the Podcast
Are you fatigued, gaining weight, have hormone imbalance, in pain, experiencing numbness and tingling, ringing in the ears or have a diagnosis of Hypothyroidism, Fibromyalgia, Chronic Fatigue, Rheumatoid Arthritis, MS, Lupus or Lyme’s? There is a virus called Epstein-Barr that is probably causing your symptoms Is a highly contagious virus that infects via bodily fluids such as saliva, blood, etc. In Stage One: It is initially dormant in the blood replicating and waiting for an opportunity to launch an infection When you physically exhaust yourselfand don’t fully recover, or if you are deficient in zinc and B12, or have atraumatic emotional experience, the virus detects these stress-related hormones and strikes Also, when undergoing major hormonal changes e.g. puberty, pregnancy or menopause After childbirth, aches, pains, fatigue and depressionare all symptoms of the virus EBV uses hormones as a fuel source – their abundance (puberty, pregnancy, menopause) acts as a trigger Stage one can take weeks, months or a decade or longer depending on a variety of factors The virus is vulnerable in stage one but is also undetectable through tests and causes no symptoms EBV Stage Two: At the end of stage one, Epstein Barr virus is ready to do battle with your body. It turns into Mononucleosis known as the “kissing disease”caused by exhaustioncommon in college students with all night partying and studying This stage the virus is most contagious– avoid exposed blood, saliva or other bodily fluids from someone with mono or avoid exposing anyone else to your fluids if you have mono How severely this battle rages varies depending on the strain of EBV. A mild case would be a scratchy throat and tiredness for a week or two, a severe [...]
If only relationships came with a “check engine” light. We go and go. We brush aside some concerns or ignore red flags. But in the end, if we don’t get a regular relationship checkup, we’re flirting with disaster. Relationship Reminders We may be told stories of “till death do we part” and “happily ever after,” but reality has its own tale to tell. The divorce rate ranges as high as 50 percent—and that’s only for first marriages. The second time around, there might be a 60 to 70 percent chance of divorce. Can you imagine if we could keep track of the “break-up” rate for long-term, non-married couples? This is the worst-kept secret in our culture, but so few of us do anything to prevent it. If we know a given food is bad for our health, we make conscious choices to avoid it. This doesn’t guarantee good health, but it’s the logical preventative measure. It’s time to apply such rational thought to our relationships. Relationship Checkup: How to Build a Plan for Couple Maintenance 1. Communication This is the foundation. It requires steady maintenance and re-evaluation. Without healthy communication, every other aspect of your relationship is weakened and more vulnerable. A few of the steps are: Learn how to listen actively Learn the two talking styles and learn how to speak both styles Practice radical honesty Avoid passive-aggressive choices Learn how to forgive and how to give an authentic apology 2. Intimacy We must allow for evolution and re-imagining. Intimacy is not a static destination. It’s a wonderful and fluid process if we work together to keep things flowing. Some suggestions: Accept that lust feels differently over time Learn to work with [...]
When you and your significant other are arguing, intimacy is often the last thing on your mind. During conflict, we may choose some form of distancing, e.g. Passive-aggressive interactions Silent treatment Not sleeping in the same bed The variations are endless, but the feeling is the same. A relationship crisis rarely feels like the best time for building intimacy. In many cases, it’s not. However, the fire of conflict does not have to be all-consuming. In fact, focusing on intimacy can be the key towards recovering and reconnecting. The Positive Impact of Building Intimacy In some ways, intimacy is what makes your connection a romance. We all have deep relationships with friends and family members. We share life-changing moments with them. Time with our spouse, however, involves another layer. This doesn’t mean something purely sexual. Intimacy is a fluid process and it can steadily reinforce and re-invent our relationship. And it comes in many forms, e.g. Physical Intellectual Spiritual Experiential In times of crisis, intimacy may be the strongest thread holding things in place because it requires: Trust Vulnerability Honest with self and others Flexibility Respect It’s not hard to see how those five components also play a crucial role in conflict resolution. 5 Ways to Start Building Intimacy from the Fire of Conflict 1. Communication is sexy It’s also smart and wise and necessary. Communicate. Let your partner know what you need, want, and desire. Even if you think your communication is healthy, keep checking in. Improve your listening skills. Check your body language and tone of voice. Appreciate the power of physical gestures. And choose radical honesty. 2. Don’t force it Conflict can shift a mood quickly. [...]
Love can be enduring, some might say eternal. Compatibility on the other hand, well, that’s a whole other story. It’s also where so much of the work lies. Many couples remain in love but don’t remain together. This is often because they didn’t rewrite their love script by tuning into how they were evolving. There are three important questions to ask here: How are my needs and habits evolving? How are my partner’s needs and habits evolving? How is our relationship handling our individual evolution? Simply put, these points are what your love script is built upon. If one of the questions is getting less attention than the other, you are dwelling in imbalance. This state puts you on the slippery slope towards dysfunction and perhaps, a break-up. 8 Ways to Rewrite Your Love Script and Your Relationship! 1. Reject perfectionism Pop culture keeps us chasing the latest trends, the hottest gadget, and yes…even the perfect relationship. Reject perfectionism (it doesn’t exist) and embrace the process (it’s where all the memories are created). 2. Accept change Love, at first sight, is wonderful. But is it sustainable? Rarely, at best. In reality, it’s most productive to accept that you both will continue to change and evolve. Such acceptance creates space for your love script to take all sorts of new twists and turns. 3. Communicate about the big issues Only you can define what’s “big” to you but typically, this means money, kids, sex, and so on. Don’t leave any of this to chance. Life moves quickly and it becomes convenient to avoid conflict. It may feel convenient but in the long run, it’s a recipe for division. 4. Communicate in general and in [...]
This article covers how two war vets with PTSDF become permanently locked in a state of adrenal fight or flight, unaware of the dangerous consequences to their lives and becoming a constant negative loop with no relief and huge consequences. It tells of how conventional treatments had failed them and what eventually brought them out of despair and being stuck in this mental loop and back into balance and into mental health. https://neuroptimal.com/neurofeedback-helps-veteran-win-war-ptsd/
Assumptions have a bad reputation. Of course, in many cases, this reputation is well-earned. Assumptions are usually opinions, based more on our expectations and perceptions than on fact. However, we make assumptions all day, every day. It could be about our commute to work, what the weather will be, and so on. It’s part of the drive for survival to, for example, see a dark and desolated street and assume it’s best to find another route. In other words, not all assumptions are wrong assumptions. When are assumptions a bad idea? Often and usually. In the context we’re using here, assumptions are like bad seeds. Unless pruned, they grow and gain strength. Uprooting them later is much harder work than nipping them in the bud before they grow. There are countless different types of assumptions. Here are three of the most common examples: 1. Assumptions based on a single or outdated past experience. So much of our present strife is born in the past. Even one singular experience can instill a lifelong belief. Simply put, we choose to accept that if it went one way in the past, it will always go that way. This just may be the most common of all wrong assumptions—and for good reason. If you took a chance and were shot down in public, you’d likely make a deep mental note to not try it again. Mindfulness and reprogramming our beliefs can teach us to embrace the present, a place where assumptions are exposed. 2. Assumptions based on our environment. Where we live, who raised us, and the conditions of our surroundings all combine to form a huge part of our worldview. Wrong assumptions can be actively or passively [...]
We’re taught to dream of soul mates. How many songs are written about couples made for each other? The libraries are full of books about finding the person you want to be with all the time. But is this what we really want…or need? Can a close relationship become too close? Is this what they mean by codependency? What is Codependency? The definitions and criteria can vary widely but a codependent relationship is one that's built upon helping each other. This may sound good at first. However, it’s a very dysfunctional form of helping. To help explain what this means, please consider some of the hallmarks of codependency: You willingly engage in long term, high-cost care-taking The more you sacrifice, the more self-esteem you feel You display a pattern of enabling and unhealthy helping behaviors You attract needy individuals, have a tendency to take responsibility for them, and thus take on problem far beyond your ability to handle A codependent person does not set many boundaries. Therefore, their emotions are directly tied to the behavior of those in their life. This sets into a motion a dangerous cycle. The longer the cycle exists, the harder it is to recognize. How Does Codependency Negatively Affect Relationships? 1. You feel like you cannot live without the other person Once again, pop culture teaches us that this is a positive goal. It most definitely is not. Committed love is wonderful. Building your entire self-image around another person is dysfunctional. 2. Your partner controls you or you control your partner This may sound obvious but control is a tricky concept. It’s so tricky that even some controllers don’t know they’re doing it. Codependency provides cover for such behavior. 3. [...]
