Love can be enduring, some might say eternal. Compatibility on the other hand, well, that’s a whole other story. It’s also where so much of the work lies. Many couples remain in love but don’t remain together. This is often because they didn’t rewrite their love script by tuning into how they were evolving.
There are three important questions to ask here:
- How are my needs and habits evolving?
- How are my partner’s needs and habits evolving?
- How is our relationship handling our individual evolution?
Simply put, these points are what your love script is built upon. If one of the questions is getting less attention than the other, you are dwelling in imbalance. This state puts you on the slippery slope towards dysfunction and perhaps, a break-up.
8 Ways to Rewrite Your Love Script and Your Relationship!
1. Reject perfectionism
Pop culture keeps us chasing the latest trends, the hottest gadget, and yes…even the perfect relationship. Reject perfectionism (it doesn’t exist) and embrace the process (it’s where all the memories are created).
2. Accept change
Love, at first sight, is wonderful. But is it sustainable? Rarely, at best. In reality, it’s most productive to accept that you both will continue to change and evolve. Such acceptance creates space for your love script to take all sorts of new twists and turns.
3. Communicate about the big issues
Only you can define what’s “big” to you but typically, this means money, kids, sex, and so on. Don’t leave any of this to chance. Life moves quickly and it becomes convenient to avoid conflict. It may feel convenient but in the long run, it’s a recipe for division.
4. Communicate in general and in person
Consider this to be your relationship glue. Big or small, things need to be discussed—in person. This type of connection keeps the energy flowing smoothly between, even during the tough times. If this becomes a challenge, try literally scheduling in face-to-face talk time and learn your different communication talking styles to help bridge any communication differences.
5. Re-imagine intimacy
Thanks to pop culture and Internet porn, we have a skewed and dysfunctional sense of intimacy. At first, your lust may have felt unbridled. Over time, it requires attention and care. What turns you on can and really must change. Instead of trying to re-create the past, why not explore new perceptions of intimacy and learn your different intimacy scripts and styles.
6. Create new interests together
This is such a fun way to grow as a couple! What first brought you together may no longer be your preference. You’ve grown and that means you’re ready to explore new interests as a couple. Set aside time to brainstorm together and then jump into it. Start having dates with one another to court a renewed and enhanced relationship.
7. Enjoy time on your own
Being together 24/7 is not romantic. It’s unhealthy. Everyone needs space to be an individual. Do the work to guarantee that both of you have distinct and fulfilling lives beyond your relationship. Recognizing that you are more than someone’s partner will make you an even better partner and part of what may have attracted you to your partner initially.
8. Plan for the future
Being present is amazing. But the health of your relationship requires a shared vision. Make plans together. Create new dreams and goals. Research has shown that couples that create and work toward shared goals are healthier and happier. Embrace the future as a team.
Perhaps you’d like to try a script writing coach?
When Hollywood screenplays need work, they usually call in a script doctor. In the realm of relationships, there’s a similar solution you can try. Working with a counsellor in couples counselling is more than just learning how to re-write your love script. In those sessions, you’ll discover the needed edits that were previously invisible. No blockbuster is created alone. Adding a counselor to your creative team is a major step towards becoming a box office smash!
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Love script rewrites are necessary as you and your partner evolve. Take time to assess your relationship patterns to assess your growth and future.