Everyone wants to have successful relationships; whether it is with business associates, family, friends, or a romantic partner. However, at times, we have all fallen short in handling the mechanics of relationships. We all go to the doctor for regular check-ups, but how often do we check the health of our relationships? Just like our physical body, relationships (whether they are professional, social, or romantic) require check-ups and maintenance. There are times when relationship surgery, or a good strong prescription, is required.
The most effective way to build and maintain healthy relationships is through relationship re-programming and conscious healthy communication. Our subconscious relationship programming controls 95% of our interactions, so if we do not have a healthy subconscious program, our conscious relationship intentions will fail. All of us have a relationship map that we bring forward from childhood conditioning. The relationship map we carry affects our subconscious beliefs, perceptions, expectations, and behavior. If we have negative relationship programming, we may react with survival-fear behavior. If the mind is in survival-fear mode we become closed, shutdown, or resistant in our communications. The subconscious need to follow our map and fulfill any negative relationship programming (that which is familiar) and protect ourselves from hurt, rejection, or abandonment is stronger than the need to get along, be open and positively surrender in a relationship. The end result is a prescription for an unhealthy relationship. In order to prevent negative relationship programming from influencing our relationships, it is important to delete any sabotaging relationship programming and program in a healthy relationship map. By taking control of our relationship map, we can build healthier, more successful relationships.
The second component of successful relationships is conscious healthy communication. A vital step in achieving this is to understand the differences in the two verbal communication styles: The Rational-Based Communication Style (emotionally processing while expressing rationally), and The Emotional-Based Communication Style (rationally processing while expressing emotionally). Rational-Based Communicators ask questions to clarify their understanding and confirm their assumptions. The history and facts of a situation are as important to them as what is being discussed; they like to rationally solve problems. Emotional-Based Communicators express themselves through their feelings. They may speak in a stream of consciousness to express and release emotions so that they can connect with the other person.
Another crucial step in achieving conscious healthy communication is to gain proficiency in the emotional languages. The three emotional languages that people use to connect, to feel love, to be understood, and to process information are: Auditory (talking and listening), Kinesthetic (feeling and touching), and Visual (seeing and doing). We all have a primary, secondary, and a tertiary emotional language style that we feel comfortable using. One person’s primary style may be someone else’s secondary or tertiary style. So, if one person’s primary language is Verbal and they start to interact with someone whose primary language is Kinesthetic, Verbal communication may likely be a frustrating experience. This can cause misunderstandings, conflict, and lack of connection; further reinforcing any negative relationship programming that has already been brought to the relationship. By learning each other’s primary language and working to strengthen our proficiency in all three emotional languages, we can more easily communicate and connect successfully.
When effective communication skills have been learned, and a healthy subconscious relationship map has been created; misunderstandings, power struggles and reactive behavior can be avoided. Collaboration and fulfillment of each other’s needs is achieved, and relationships flourish.
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